I recently had one of those decade milestone birthdays. I am not an enormous fan of birthday celebrations in general, and less so when I am the one in the spotlight. I can’t remember ever being excited about my own birthday, at least not in the way I imagine other people get excited. I guess I really don’t know if other people are truly excited on their birthdays or if it is all performative theatre. Maybe some of each? I know I get embarrassed, especially when I open presents in front of people. I feel like I’m going to let them down in some undefinable way.
My first memory of my own birthday was when I was very young—perhaps three? Definitely no more than four. I was a shy little kid who liked to be alone and sleep a lot. Who knows why. As far as I know things hadn’t yet fallen apart in my world at that point, so I don’t think I was depressed per se. Though disaster was looming, no one knew that yet. Definitely not little Lori. So, I was just a little odd, I guess. Anyway, my older brother, Billy, was the sunny opposite—funny, excitable, energetic. Everything delighted him.
The thing I remember about that early birthday is being shaken out of the soft cocoon of sleep by Billy jumping up on my bed and hopping around whooping, “Sissy, sissy, wake up. It’s your birthday!” I am pretty sure he stepped on me during the process. I reacted the way a fifty-year-old spinster might, groaning and covering my head with my pillow and telling him to go away. It was a story often repeated in the family. Billy was more excited about Lori’s birthday than she was.
Over the years, birthdays never really got more exciting, except, perhaps, for the 18th, because when I turned 18 it became legal for me to drink alcohol in the state of Wisconsin and I was, sadly, very interested in taverns in those days. I was a bit of a lost soul. By the time I turned 21, I was a mother, and so there was little reason or opportunity to celebrate my own birthday. I could instead focus on making birthdays memorable for my son, and then my daughter when she came along a few years later. I enjoyed making their cakes, choosing presents for them, planning little parties. I began taking my daughter to Disneyland every year on her birthday since we lived nearby at the time, and she continues to be a huge Disneyland fan to this day.
I think it was when I was in my late thirties that my friend Cheryl suggested we start a birthday tradition of meeting somewhere special to celebrate our milestone birthdays, the ones that ended in 0, and so it was that we went to Robert Redford’s Sundance Resort in Utah for our 40th birthdays. We have been friends since we were little girls, and we are only a couple months apart. The once-a-decade birthday trip suited me. No big gatherings. No embarrassing surprises, just two old friends going for nature walks and eating nice food. Perfect!
This year I had three birthday celebrations! That’s a lot of cake! Not that a lot of cake is a bad thing. I had several days with my friend, Sandy, then several with my friend, Cheryl, and then a little visit with my sister-in-law, Kathy, and some of her family at her new home in Menominee, Michigan. It’s been wonderful. The only thing missing is my kids and grandkids who are far away. Spending time with them cannot come soon enough!
Birthdays can be a bit like New Year’s in a sense—a time to reflect on the past, celebrate, remember, and look forward—a time to plan ahead. My friends and family reminded me of the good things about reaching this milestone, of the experience and love, of pain, too, but also wisdom. Somehow, over the years I managed to raise two children, put myself through college and grad school, teach wonderful young people, and a few older ones, write several novels (and finally am in the process of getting the third one published), maintained rich and meaningful relationships (but also lost a few), and am experiencing now the joy of watching my beautiful grandchildren as they grow. A long life provides a kind of strength, a strength that recognizes the good, the bad, the hopelessness and the hopefulness—the totality of it all. And I have been all those things at one time or another.
I wish I could say I’ve put all my mistakes behind me, and that I have reached a state of peaceful benign bliss, but I definitely can’t! Just after priding myself on what I considered my valiant composure while under stress, and, in fact, bragging about it, my husband jumped into a swimming pool and got my hair wet. I lost my mind. I shot through the water like an angry shark, whipping and whacking water into his surprised face with an intensity never before seen outside of a hurricane. I was as surprised as he was! Where did that come from?
I guess I still have some growing up to do. I Am So Sorry, Sweetheart!
LakeArrowheadLadyWriter 
Happy birthday! Looks and sounds like it has been lovely.
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Thanks so much, Jen! It really was. 🩵
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Lori! Happy Belated Birthday! I love seeing a fresh post from you and this one was full of good stuff…friends, family, yummy food….cake! 😜
Your observation at the top of the post left me nodding with recognition. Me, too — me, too:
“I guess I really don’t know if other people are truly excited on their birthdays or if it is all performative theatre. Maybe some of each? I know I get embarrassed, especially when I open presents in front of people. I feel like I’m going to let them down in some undefinable way.”
Do you remember the days of people singing in restaurants – bold and off-key Happy Birthday serenades from strangers? Sent “little Vicki” under the table every time! Maybe it’s still common? I dunno. I prefer the vibe of your Wisconsin supper club scene, for sure!
Much love, much love! 💝💝💝
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Much love back at you, Vicki!!! Thank you, darling lady. 💞
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Mwah! 💝😊💝
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Happy birthday! I enjoyed hearing about your big celebration and three cakes! This year, my birthday went by without notice. We were supposed to go out with friends for sushi. Then I got sick and sushi did NOT sound good.
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Oh my! Sushi is definitely not desirable when you’re sick! I hope your next birthday is double fun since you missed this one!🥰
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Thanks!
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Happy Birthday, Lori! Wishing you all the best!
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Thank you, David! I appreciate you!
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Happy Decade Milestone Birthday 🎂
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Thank you, Max! 🤗
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Happy milestone birthday, Girlfriend. You look fabulous. May you always feel that way, too.
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You are so sweet, Mary! Thank you, Girlfriend!!!
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Well, happy birthday, Lori! You know how to celebrate!
My last party was when I was 14, except for lunch out with a couple of family members. Even our recent 60th anniversary was a low-key lunch (Texas Roadhouse), just the two of us.
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Thank you, Joy! I have to give all the credit to my friends and family! Your quiet celebrations sound lovely to me. 🥰
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Fine essay. You know how to keep things in perspective. And you know what’s important in life.
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Thank you for that! I’m not a quick study, but I’m persistent!🥰
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🙂 Happy Birthday wishes to you Lori!
i love your point about the totality of life lived from reflecting on birthday after birthdays. i wish i could add something just as profound but i’ll just say that may you have wonderful July and August days and may the sunsets give you inspiration! Mike
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Thank you for the lovely wishes, Mike! I love your idea of drawing inspiration from July and August sunsets—something I don’t do enough! There’s a great observation deck above my town that I bet would be a perfect spot for sunset gazing. I will plan on going!🌅
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With you all the way with birthdays, Lori. I think the last time I was excited for one was 21. I don’t despise them, but I just don’t feel the need to draw attention to myself. I actually forget to request the senior discount these days. That has nothing to do with vanity; it’s more a sign of forgetfulness. I like to think of myself as feeling younger than I am.
Your tradition with your mom is so sweet.
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We definitely agree on birthdays, Pete, and I think feeling younger than your years is a wonderful trait. Heck! Who is to say what being any particular age is supposed to feel like? I’ve never been this age before so I’m learning as I go and I’m bringing along my younger self to keep it lively!😂
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Happy and blessed birthday! I just had mine too, I think I’m older!
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Happy and blessed birthday to you, too, dear Kathy! We’re older, but we’re still here, right? 💞❤️💞
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i’ve always loved celebrating my birthday, (and all holidays), but would like to attend a party invisibly, as i don’t really like being the center of attention. happy birthday from afar and i hope you enjoyed all of your cakes. like you, i was married and had kids early in life, and did school and work and everything else after. my daughters became the focus of birthdays for those years. and we’re all still learning with each birthday.
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Life is a giant classroom sometimes, Beth—so much to learn! Holidays are my favorite days, especially the trifecta of Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. 🥰
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Happy belated milestone birthday! 🎉
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Thanks so much, Lynette! 🥰
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Happy Birthday!
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Thanks so much! It’s been a lot! 🤗🤣💞
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Was that cake with the strawberries on it and angel food cake? Yum! Glad you were able to do your birthday up right this year. And apparently, hell hath no fury like a woman who doesn’t want her hair to get wet.
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Ha! Ha! It’s true! 🤣 The cake was indeed angel food. Perfection!!! We ate the entire cake in one sitting. 🤗💞
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Oh, Lori, I relate to everything you say here! Except my brother, 18 months younger than I, never acted excited on my birthday. Ha. But I never felt comfortable on my birthday, still don’t. My husband grew up with six siblings, so no one got attention on their birthdays, and he feels even more uncomfortable with celebrating than me. I LOVE your idea of celebrating big with a friend every decade. I’ve passed a big decade, but in a year my college besties and I will celebrate our half-decade milestone. Can’t wait.
And no, we’re not angels or perfect, but fortunately our husbands forgive us and love us. ❤
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So cool you have plans with your college besties next year, Pam! 💞 I bet it will be wonderful. We are so lucky to have friends and husbands who love us!🤗
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SO Grateful!!!
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💞
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What a beautiful post full of honesty and wisdom, Lori. “A long life provides a kind of strength, a strength that recognizes the good, the bad, the hopelessness and the hopefulness—the totality of it all.” Yes. I love that you visited Redford’s Sundance Resort when you turned 40, I’d love to hear more about that. ☺️Happy birthday, and I have some birthday cake left in our fridge, as I just celebrated, too. 😉We are “Cancer crabs” who love the water. Thanks, Lori!
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Yay! Cancer crabs unite! I hope your birthday was wonderful, Melanie. Sundance is hands down my favorite special place—you can ride up the chair lift in the summer and walk back down the mountain and through aspen groves and a waterfall… It’s all very natural. Expensive? Yes, definitely a splurge. It helped that my friend and I split the cost of a shared room. 🥰
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Thank you Lori, it was! 🎂 Yum. Thanks for sharing the secrets of Sundance, it does sound like an amazing experience. We need to treat ourselves to some of those in our lifetime! 🥰
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🤗
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Happy Birthday!
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Thank you, Dawn!
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Happy Belated Birthday, Lori!!!! How does it feel reaching that milestone of 29 (oh, wait…you said “decade” milestone, so it must be 30!)?? I loved your birthday stories! It seems there is always one sibling more enthusiastic about celebrating, than the rest of us! Ha! I hope your birthday celebration was a wonderful day, and the start of another wonderful year! Happy Milestone Achievement! Sending hugs!
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You are an angel, Anita! 😂💛🥰 Thank you and sending hugs back your way!
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I totally understand your birthday un-enthusiasm. I have never understood why people expect me to make a big day of an event that happened decades ago, was probably the most scary and stressful day of my life, and I don’t even remember.
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Ha!!! That’s a priceless way to describe it! 🤣
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Happy Birthday! May you be blessed with many, many more trips around the sun.
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Thank you, JeanMarie! That’s a lovely wish!💕
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I love your list of amazing accomplishments from the years, “Somehow, over the years I managed to raise two children, put myself through college and grad school, teach wonderful young people, and a few older ones, write several novels (and finally am in the process of getting the third one published), maintained rich and meaningful relationships (but also lost a few), and am experiencing now the joy of watching my beautiful grandchildren as they grow. ”
That’s incredible! And you’re so beautifully open to learning more. I love it! Happy birthday, my friend!
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Oh my goodness! Thank you dear Wynne! It’s been pretty messy at times, but you’re right about my wanting to learn more. Life is fascinating. I learn a lot from you, for example! I love The Life of Try! And all your posts! 💞🥰💞
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Happy Birthday Lori!! 🎂💐🎁You are so beautiful, (inside and out) and talented and accomplished, and most importantly, loved. Thanks for letting us glimpse of an unperfect moment and for being a great example by apologizing to your sweetheart. 💞💞
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Oh, Rose! You are so thoughtful and caring. Thank you so much! I was so ashamed of my behavior. I appreciate your acceptance. You are the beautiful one. 💞🤗💞
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Happy belated Birthday!!!! Sure looks like you had a great time and OMG those kitties! So cute!!!
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Thank you, Braden! It was great, and the kitties say thank you, too! They are such good little girls. 💞
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Happy birthday! I love the idea of your 10 year celebrations with your friends. My husband has cousins (five sisters) who at one time would take a weekend every year and go somewhere together to celebrate their sisterhood. I don’t know if they still do that but I hope so!
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Yes, I hope they do, too! It’s very freeing. Thank you for your kind wishes, Sheryl! 🤗
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Many happy returns of the day Lori. Lovely frames and the titles.
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Many thanks, Rupali!
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Happy milestone birthday! 🎉 Milestone birthdays often bring a mix of reflection, gratitude, and new beginnings. Even if being the center of attention isn’t your favorite, it’s a wonderful opportunity to celebrate the journey, the memories, and everything still to come. Wishing you happiness in this new chapter!
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I appreciate that, Safia. Thank you very much!
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Happy birthday, Lori! I love this post and the photos. The cake with the strawberries looks so good.
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Thank you, Edward! The cake was so good I made the same kind yesterday! Very good summer cake, just angel food cake with fresh strawberries and homemade whipped cream. I also love strawberry shortcake! 🍓🍓🍓
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You’re so welcome, Lori. Excellent, and it sounds simple enough. Strawberry cheesecake is my favorite at the Cheesecake Factory.
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Oh my! Yummy!
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It so good! Always with coffee.
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Happy birthday!!! Looks like a wonderful week of celebrating and I laughed at your end story. We don’t ever “learn” all the things I think. 🙂
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You are so right, Bridgette! No way we can everything! 😂 Thank you for the good wishes! 🩵💞🩵
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Happy belated milestone birthday, Lori! I have one of those coming in September. I have no plans. Birthdays come and go almost like any other day.
I really enjoyed this reflective piece on life and aging and even wet hair.
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Happy upcoming milestone birthday to you, Audrey. However you spend it, I hope it is perfect for you. I appreciate your kind response! 😻❤️😻
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Lori, your writing always carries such a lovely blend of honesty, humor, and reflection. This milestone birthday sounds like it brought meaningful moments with people who love you, along with the kind of perspective that only comes from a life fully lived with its joys, challenges, growth, and all the wisdom gathered along the way. I especially appreciate the way you weave memories, friendships, and even those surprising human moments into something so relatable and heartfelt. Wishing you continued joy, connection, and many more sweet celebrations ahead.
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