Thoughts on Writing After a Year of Sending out Queries for my WWII-Era Homefront Historical Fiction Novel Set in Lake Arrowhead, CA… and A Whole Lots of Maybes
Photo from my collection of prints of paintings by Lake Arrowhead artist and friend, Dave Wescott.
I am discouraged. It’s been a long haul, and I’m tired. I wonder if it’s too late—if I’m even a capable writer. Maybe I am a past-prime-nothing-special-mainstream kind of a writer with nothing new to offer in a world crowded with bright-fresh-creatives churning out compelling new stories that I am not equipped to write.
Maybe, more accurately, I wouldn’t write those compelling new stories even if I could, because I truly don’t want to. But that doesn’t mean I never will. Maybe I’m going to want to! With creating, one never knows. Meanwhile, what I write these days is what I feel the magical desire to create. If I were being paid to write, or I were writing an assignment for a course I was taking, it would be different. At least a little bit different, but still really fulfilling. And I have done that successfully.
So I think that means that stubbornness is not the problem. But who among us knows well their own foibles? A self-examined life is not worth living perhaps, but I am not always sure my self-examinations are thorough or astute enough. That is one of the many reasons I need you, my friends!
Writing from my heart for no other reason than I want to create something of my own is a very different task than an assignment or a job, and that is what I’ve been at with A Fine Suddenness, and with many earlier projects. This self-appointed task has been with me for most of my life, with innumerable hours invested outside of my “real” life, most of them happily. Those hours have stretched into a lifetime of practice.
Another beautiful painting of Lake Arrowhead by my dear friend, Dave Wescott.
Pretty great setting for a novel, don’t you think?
I’ve invested a good amount of my limited income into writing as well. There have been many journals, computers, printers, reams and reams of paper, hundreds of pens (and oh how I love those pink, yellow, green, and blue highlighters!) and yes, the multitude of books I’ve purchased on writing, and the subscriptions to writing magazines. Then there’s the cost of attending various writing events—retreats, conferences, special courses, all of them fabulous and expensive.
The MFA in Creative Writing I earned in 2009 was a big investment that took me years to pay off. I do not regret it. Graduate school was an amazing experience. I loved every moment of being part of a group of writers immersed completely in our projects, all of us in over our heads, happily drowning in words, study, reflection, discussion, research, and ideas, all filled with the satisfying knowledge that no one among us questioned the importance of what we were doing. It often feels as though the rest of the world could care less about poets, screenwriters, non-fiction writers, and novelists, but it didn’t feel that way when we were in school together.
Cheers to all of my creative friends–and all creatives everywhere!
Few parents would encourage their children to enter into any of these fields. I’ve had friends who must have temporarily forgotten what my degrees are in, because they openly laugh at their children’s desires to study any of the humanities while in conversation with me. “Imagine,” they say. “What a waste of tuition.” It’s clear what they mean. Those fields don’t make any money.
I understand that money is necessary, and my life would have been easier if I had more, but I also know my soul would have shriveled had I worked in any field that didn’t allow me to at least exist in close proximity to the world of literature and learning and language that teaching and library work gave me.
It was never about money.
Writing has been my passion for a very long time. And I believe it has been worthwhile, even at this moment, seeing how things stand. I have never developed a writing platform. I don’t have much of a following on my blog (which is admittedly not something I have any technical skill in setting up or growing). Despite regularly studying the publishing field, sending out personalized queries to agents who work with my genre, and working, working, working on improving the queries, the summaries, the comp list, my bio… all the while making my manuscript the best it can possibly be, I haven’t secured an agent.
Maybe I should stop trying. Maybe I should write, but just stop trying to find an agent, or a small publishing house that might consider publishing my work. After all, it’s not about the money. I’ve never expected that.
What is money?
Photo courtesy of Pexels Free Images
Holding a beautifully bound copy of my own work, that’s definitely at least part of what I want, since I so value books, but I understand the process of writing and the joy of finding readers who might enjoy reading what I’ve written are what would move me most.
Maybe I should seriously consider self-publishing, even though I do not want to. Maybe it’s the only way, and maybe it wouldn’t humiliate me in a Willy Loman Death of a Salesman kind of way.
That’s a whole lot of maybes…
What do you think?
I’d love to hear from you!
LakeArrowheadLadyWriter 
I think you are an amazing woman with so much passion to share! Even your queries are inspirational! I remember Dave Wescott
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Thank you, Kathryn! It means the world to hear that. You are so kind.
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In my many years dealing with all different types of people, i.e. those that question what you want and can do. They are probably jealous of your ability because they do not have your gift of writing. I’ve always known that you are special! Just saying……
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That is so kind of you to say! Thank you, Ken. Your support means so much to me. You remind me that I am a lucky person. 💞
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Thank Cous!
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Please keep going!!! Kim and I want to buy your book! You left us wanting more after you read us one chapter!
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That’s so encouraging! Thank you, Linda! Thanks to Kim, also! I so appreciate you and enjoy your writing and conversation and company always. Xxxooo
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Don’t give up, girl! You’re a beautiful writer with a clever imagination and deeply thoughtful perspectives. I have several friends who are self published who feel pretty fulfilled!
For now, seeing your work bound and making your own decisions about the title/cover and final edit might be very worthwhile. Have no idea the cost involved, but I say, if you can pull it off, then give it a try!
Of course, I (and all your friends!) would be thrilled to buy copies on Amazon! That’s what I think. Love ya lots, Mary❤️
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Thank you, Mary! I really appreciate your opinion and it’s good to hear about your other friends who are happy with their indie experiences. Also, your enthusiastic support means the world to me! You are wonderful!
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I feel the same way – not as much that it would be a step down to self-publish, I suppose, but rather that I know that route involves a lot more work than people think. The writer has to either do or hire all the hats themselves, from ediiting to promoting… We can do this, Lori!!! I’ll write more as my intro to your fabulous upcoming guest blog post at my site 🙂 ❤
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Your care, insight, and interest in supporting fellow writers is so wonderful, da-AL. Thank you.
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I ended up here after visiting da-AL’s blog, Lori. It seems we have a few things in common. I’m a retired teacher who embraces challenges—some might say stubborn. 🤣 That characteristic has generally served me well. I applaud you for your efforts to get published. The odds are ridiculously long, and yet I know the most likely path for me will be self-publication after I give it the old college try. I understand why there’s a stigma attached to self-publishing because some are terrible, but there are also many that are equal to traditionally published work.
What genre are you writing in?
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Hi, Pete. My current manuscript is adult historical fiction, a WWII home front story about a widow living in the San Bernardino mountains of So CA in the 40s. I have a young adult historical fiction manuscript, too, about a Catholic Polish boy and his Jewish friends trying to escape the Nazi invasion. What are you writing now? It’s fun to talk to another teacher about writing!
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I’m trying to write realistic fiction for upper middle grade (MG). My current work in progress involves a friendship between a Muslim American and a White boy. They just want to be friends, but this is challenging because the White youth’s father has returned with some racist tendencies after serving in Iraq.
I have a friend who taught in San Bernardino. We live way up north on the coast in the heart of the redwood country. I had a Jewish college professor who went undiscovered while hiding as the Nazis killed the rest of his family. Both of your books sound very interesting.
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Your current work in progress sounds interesting and valuable to young readers. I am always interested in friendships that somehow cross a line- culturally or socially. I think kids are too.
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Thank you for being you,I truly appreciate your skill in writing, living with someone who loves every aspect of language/writing/pen/pencil paper, you’re my hero. You’re also my beautiful wife and life long friend.
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Thank you for always supporting my writing!
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